angel (she did not call)
MOUNT AUBURN CEMETERY
APRIL 2006
i've not been able to take photos lately. it's killing me. there is a hole the size of two years, three states, one huge hurricane, and a few too many "this is bullshit"s where my good eye used to be.
everything looks different. and it's the kind of different that i can't quite capture. yet.
everything feels different.
i guess she's right - everything is different now.
it just catches me off guard
cause i still hold my phone on vibrate in my sleep.
my mom is having major surgery and i'm not there
my grandma just got out of surgery and i'm not there
my best friend is hurting and sad and i'm not there
everyone else is who i call. and they are ok.
i miss being someone's girl. i would do anything to know that my girl is only a phone call away when i need her. for her to just KNOW that's it's not about the phone call - it's about that i need her to hold me. to listen deeper than the words i'm saying. for something, anything, to be the same.
but you can't have it both ways. i'm learning.
APRIL 2006
i've not been able to take photos lately. it's killing me. there is a hole the size of two years, three states, one huge hurricane, and a few too many "this is bullshit"s where my good eye used to be.
everything looks different. and it's the kind of different that i can't quite capture. yet.
everything feels different.
i guess she's right - everything is different now.
it just catches me off guard
cause i still hold my phone on vibrate in my sleep.
my mom is having major surgery and i'm not there
my grandma just got out of surgery and i'm not there
my best friend is hurting and sad and i'm not there
everyone else is who i call. and they are ok.
i miss being someone's girl. i would do anything to know that my girl is only a phone call away when i need her. for her to just KNOW that's it's not about the phone call - it's about that i need her to hold me. to listen deeper than the words i'm saying. for something, anything, to be the same.
but you can't have it both ways. i'm learning.
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it's like mary poppins, but with a camera
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That said, saying this to someone when they need to hear it, doesn't always get heard. You'll hear what you want to hear and learn what you want to learn.
So to quote one of my litary heros Dr Seuss
You'll get mixed up, of course
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
step with care and great tact
and remember that life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left
chin up shawn
I love ya
Rich
you got it just right.
a beautiful, sad story
you always know what to say to make me chin up :)
the details aren't that bad. mom will be ok, people will be ok, it will all be ok. i just would REALLY like a breather, ya know? some time to not be sad about something. and it's coming. i know it will - that time is coming.
but for now, i'm broken broken broken hearted. and that never feels good, or right, or i dunno - it just never feels like the right thing. especially when you love the person SO very much. and i guess i was holding on to some sortof hope....cause holding on is what i do. best.
so, i expect to be sad for a while. cause this was a big one. and maybe disappear for a while. but i'll be back. and you have my email.
lovelovelove
shawn
Life isn't always easy or fair but it is a damn sight better than the alternative.
Your road has had more than your share of twists and turns lately but you're stronger for it. Besides, straight roads are boring.
Hope your Mom and Grandma have speedy recoveries. The same goes for you. Hang tough E/O. You're one of the good ones.